Having ups and downs in life is perfectly normal, feeling torn in multiple directions is also normal. So why oh why is it so hard to deal with?
All I want for my kids is the best (like all parents) somewhere along the path I took a wrong turn......
To explain this I'll try, being now single (after a long unhappy marriage) I now find myself subjected to a day in court, courtesy of my (soon to be) Ex, he has applied for a contact order! Seems fair enough say all the dads out there, and yes if you have loved and cherished your kids, always put them first, it is a perfectly reasonable request. Even if you didn't do that all the time, it seems a perfectly reasonable request. So there comes a dilema, being a (hopefully) caring person/mum, I want my children to have a 'normal' life loving parents (even if they have to visit one of them everyother or so weekend). I got caught up in creating a normal family life for my children (and possibly creating a bit of me time) I admit yes I'm allowed to be selfish, think of myself now and again (I considered overnight contact)
I became forgetful of things past, of why and how we got here! Your thinking none of these things seem unresonable why the big deal? Well because (IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED DONT READ ANY FURTHER) because I have 4 children, 2 live with me, 2 dont and havn't since the younger of these 2 (who is now 20 fast approaching 21) was 6 weeks old. Why? good question!!
I shall try to explain, (god am sitting here thinking how to start) ...........
As a baby my oldest child was hurt, on may occasions by his father, I did not protect him, I was frightened of his father, I was to young to stand up to him! (there are many opinions to all this I'm sure). We had another child at 6 weeks old his father fractured his babies skull, yes this sounds awful, horrid and everything else. They were removed from our care, I was told I could have the children, I was to frightened to admit I was scared.
He was not prosecutted, no punishment was given apart form losing the children. I stayed.
Many years later and two more children that were not removed, I plucked up the courage to leave, I waited till he'd gone out and fled with my two children 220 miles away.
Now you see my dilema I became complacent, I forgot, my daughter hasn't. My oldest sons havn't, my baby dosn't know he's only 4, he thinks his dad is great! he has never known any different, has never encountered that Daddy! (yet).
That is my dilema, I'm torn my childrens safety has to come 1st, very recently I have been reminded of this. I have to be firm on this point, there is no other way. I must protect my children, if he was with his father and something was to happen I could never forgive myself. My daughter dosn't like to see him as she remembers (life as it was) she will be fine, she will come out of it, all be it eventually. So until it is proven to be a safe enviroment for my children there must be no overnight contact..............
I know this is not my normal funny post - but hey life is not always a bundle of laughs, and I said to share my life, well here it is all the rotten bits to!
All I want for my kids is the best (like all parents) somewhere along the path I took a wrong turn......
To explain this I'll try, being now single (after a long unhappy marriage) I now find myself subjected to a day in court, courtesy of my (soon to be) Ex, he has applied for a contact order! Seems fair enough say all the dads out there, and yes if you have loved and cherished your kids, always put them first, it is a perfectly reasonable request. Even if you didn't do that all the time, it seems a perfectly reasonable request. So there comes a dilema, being a (hopefully) caring person/mum, I want my children to have a 'normal' life loving parents (even if they have to visit one of them everyother or so weekend). I got caught up in creating a normal family life for my children (and possibly creating a bit of me time) I admit yes I'm allowed to be selfish, think of myself now and again (I considered overnight contact)
I became forgetful of things past, of why and how we got here! Your thinking none of these things seem unresonable why the big deal? Well because (IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED DONT READ ANY FURTHER) because I have 4 children, 2 live with me, 2 dont and havn't since the younger of these 2 (who is now 20 fast approaching 21) was 6 weeks old. Why? good question!!
I shall try to explain, (god am sitting here thinking how to start) ...........
As a baby my oldest child was hurt, on may occasions by his father, I did not protect him, I was frightened of his father, I was to young to stand up to him! (there are many opinions to all this I'm sure). We had another child at 6 weeks old his father fractured his babies skull, yes this sounds awful, horrid and everything else. They were removed from our care, I was told I could have the children, I was to frightened to admit I was scared.
He was not prosecutted, no punishment was given apart form losing the children. I stayed.
Many years later and two more children that were not removed, I plucked up the courage to leave, I waited till he'd gone out and fled with my two children 220 miles away.
Now you see my dilema I became complacent, I forgot, my daughter hasn't. My oldest sons havn't, my baby dosn't know he's only 4, he thinks his dad is great! he has never known any different, has never encountered that Daddy! (yet).
That is my dilema, I'm torn my childrens safety has to come 1st, very recently I have been reminded of this. I have to be firm on this point, there is no other way. I must protect my children, if he was with his father and something was to happen I could never forgive myself. My daughter dosn't like to see him as she remembers (life as it was) she will be fine, she will come out of it, all be it eventually. So until it is proven to be a safe enviroment for my children there must be no overnight contact..............
I know this is not my normal funny post - but hey life is not always a bundle of laughs, and I said to share my life, well here it is all the rotten bits to!
Good for you for finally finding the courage to leave. I know many people out there would say that after the first instance they would leave, but having someone destroy your self confidence and inability to think rationally leaves you no choice but to stay and hope one day you can change him but the truth of the matter is no matter how many times you try you know deep within your soul that they wont and its only a matter of time til you reach the very pits of despair and nowhere to turn. But one day you wake up with a sudden feeling of control and you say no enough is enough I am not living my life like this anymore and you make the hardest decision and stand up to the bully and leave. Suddenly your alone and scared and thinking how the hell will I cope but deep within you find the strength and courage.When you look at the smiles on your kids faces they make you stronger and stronger until one day you begin to smile and believe in yourself. If someone knocks you down you wont stay down now you will get right back up there and show them you wont be bullied no more and by doing this it will make you a more stronger and confident person. The reason I know all this is that I have been there.
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